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Hiltons? You can have them all. But if you have to come to Indy, you might as well stay at the Conrad. It’s the highest most five-star link in the Hilton family, and it has everything required by the moneyed graying class.

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Room 1503 looks strikingly familiar. But this time I had to pay to get upgraded to a suite. Alas. No Hilton kung fu in noplasticshowers land.

Bed room is separate from the...

Bed room is separate from the…

sitting room.

sitting room.

or the couch

or the couch

Nice shower cube with a very strange shower head device thing.

Glass cube good.

Glass cube good.

Weird shower head?  Not so much.

Weird shower head? Not so much.

No free net. No free water. No free upgrade. The Conrad is hereby demoted to three showerheads. You guys can do better than that!

Stick it in the bathtub.

Stick it in the bathtub.

Hopefully a visit to the Libertine next door will lift my spirits. Well something about spirits anyway.

Indeed, we concocted a Hum Cocktail as follows:
1.5 hum
.75 Lime
.5 Angustora
.5 Campari
top with soda

The Libertine is a blast.

You're not in Kansas, Toto, you're in Indiana.

You’re not in Kansas, Toto, you’re in Indiana.