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Yes, Las Vegas Still Sucks: The Aria

November 13, 2015

Las Vegas comprises equal parts Disney, Porn, and Walmart Shoppers. Pretty much three things that suck in their own ways. Combine them, and they triple suck. So whenever we are forced to come to Vegas, we do what we can to wiggle out of it.

One tactic is to use pricing to dissuade Vegas trips. You can set the price to HIGH (which I do), but the problem is that HIGH sometimes is “the way it is” and there is no avoiding a trip to Vegas using rational grounds.

Here we are. And this time we’re at the huge, modern Aria complex. Filled with smoke and Walmart shoppers trying to up their fine dining capability. Really. Just. Awful. Cows go moo. Cows eat grass. And they poop in their own food.

NPS finds itself in the Japanese wing. How do we know? Low floor. Sliding doors. Toilets that clean you against your will at the press of a button.

Sliding door is glass, no paper.  But Japanese design.

Sliding door is glass, no paper. But Japanese design.

Washy washy. Heated toilet seat

Washy washy. Heated toilet seat

Room 3042 is interesting in terms of angles. But it is cheap in terms of furniture. Like a theater set, it looks good (though a bit beige) from afar. Just don’t sit on the terrible furniture.

The couch is not comfortable. The chair is not comfortable. The veneer is thin.

This is not luxury, this is simulated nonsense.

All hail the TV

All hail the TV

And there is a TV everywhere. Some don’t turn off.

Aria.  Cheap ass furniture.

Aria. Cheap ass furniture.

The bathroom is long, thin, and beige.

The bathroom is long, thin, and beige.

Some attention has been paid to the bathroom, which is one notch or maybe two over Marriott. But this is not luxury. Heck just compare ingredient quality with the Broadmoor. Or on second thought, don’t even bother.

Yuck.

The bed seems to be comfortable

The bed seems to be comfortable

Just because Vegas, we decided not to leave the compound during our prison sentence. That meant a cocktail at “Alibi” which could be a good bar, but just is not. That said, the people are great. The space has, yes, TVs, and a small assortment of bad booze (heavy on the crayon-level Scotch and Vodka). There is plenty of very loud noise.

All situations can be salvaged:

Kendall, who is 24 and talented, made a drink called either “Kendall’s Fifth Eye” or “The Fifth Eye” as follows:
1 oz Calvados
1 oz unfiltered apple juice (hard cider would improve)
.75 allspice dram (cut to .5)
.25 walnut liqueur

Shake. Strain over big rock. Mint and citrus garnish.

Ultimately, this drink needs more attention. Try some Lairds Applejack or 12 year brandy to up its game.

Kendall was delightful.

Sage (restaurant), which takes some non-trivial finding, is good. Recommended.

All told, we will stick to our plan to get the hell out of here as fast as possible. Take the money and run!

Aria, for at least being modern and cheap, you get two point five showerheads that is posing as if it’s four, and a nervous glance.

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