Home

It was one of those days. Plenty of time to get to the airport, no real rush. But somehow my belt did not get the memo and I arrived in NY beltless—for a big meeting with lots of senior banking execs flown in from all over the world?! Horrors. (They were all wearing French cuffs and pocket squares.)

Kimpton attempted to bail me out when the massive belt oversight emergency was broadcast to the world over the @noplasticshower twitter feed (follow us here). [BTW, it turns out that @kimpton does a better job realtime monitoring twitter than @kimptoninnyc! Hmm. It also turns out that Kimpton emergency coordination better accomplished by central emergency services (in san fran maybe?) than by Kevin the concierge in NY.]

Thing is, there was no time to lose. So we uber’ed to two hotels and a mall on the way to the financial district. JC Penny belt it is!

About 20 minutes before my meeting downtown, a twitter DM arrived from @kimpton emergency services who, of course, had managed to pick me up a belt! It was waiting in my room when I got back after the meeting, dinner, general carousing, and shutting down a bar. Super amazing great, but just a smidge too tardy. Thanks anyway Eventi staff (and double thanks to @kimpton central emergency services)! You guys are the best.

Not only was there a belt, there was also a nice snack and some sparkling water. The water probably saved us from certain death by dehydration. Thanks Rebecca.

Thank you Kimpton for beltifying the emergency!  Super kind.

Thank you Kimpton for beltifying the emergency! Super kind.

Another great authentic Italian meal at Roc in Tribeca. It seemed like the after dinner grappa (moscato) was a good idea, but it completely dissolved our resolve to make an early night of it right there on the spot. And then the lemoncello.

So instead of heading in to harbor, we simply walked over to weather up for some delicious beverages and a bourbon lesson.

By that time we were on a roll and managed to uber on up Lantern’s Keep where I believe we stayed until they ran out of fernet branca. Oh woe is us. We did determine that barman bob is no longer working at Lantern’s Keep , and I am sure that we met the current barmen, but we pretty much don’t recall.

Thursday morning was blinding and way too early. But rally we did for another busy day at the office.

Bright.  Ouch.

Bright. Ouch.

BTW, our secret noplasticshowers spy contingency is with us this trip. That may explain why the bathroom is so messy and there is a yoga mat on the floor.

Glass shower in 2104

Glass shower in 2104

Two shower heads in the shower.  And plenty of water pressure.  Ahhh.

Two shower heads in the shower. And plenty of water pressure. Ahhh.

Who knew that there were yoga mats?!

Who knew that there were yoga mats?!

We strolled down the high line to NYU from midtown. The high line is beautiful in every season.

Thursday evening was capped with a relaxing visit to the Brandy Library.

Anyway, the eventi is feeling more homey in NY even though there is the apartment, and it is in NY! Must be the Kimpton vibe. Five showerheads and some much needed sleep.

United’s delta-T of non-suck was much smaller than anticipated.

OK then, lets review. Finally got TSApre working (at least once), and then United went and changed the data for my Premiere account in order to “match up with my trusted traveller profile.” Fantastic (not)! All of my already-booked tickets are now toast for TSApre. Like today’s flight to Detroit. And the next few flights I have in the hopper too! It’s shoes off for me, and bathroom stuff in a stupid little baggy. At least there is no line for the “our computer thinks not” TSApre overflow line at IAD.

imgres

And then to add insult to multi-trip injury, I was on the plane on my flight to Detroit when we were informed that the equipment had been changed. Go to Gate 5A they said (we started at 3A on an actual airplane). On arrival, we discovered that the flight was actually cancelled. Double fantastic. (BTW, we happen to know that operations cancelled the low-revenue flight in order to give our plane to a higher-revenue regional flight. Not enough seats to Detroit it seems. But they forgot to factor in that I was on this flight.) HEY OPS, WE ARE NOT JUST BLIPS IN YOUR DAMNABLE COMPUTER.

I called the 100K desk to get things fixed up and was connected with an utterly useless droid. My bud Mike called the regular 800 number. We were in a race. He won. But sadly even after all of the flight switching, the client was unable to adjust their timing.

So United, you owe me one dinner with the CSO of a big account and five hours loitering at Vino Volo at IAD. But really would you please please please stop sucking in 2013? It is way too early in the year for this nonsense already.

United already found out about this on twitter. They responded, but do they care?

Special bonus Vino Volo tip. Great place for a glass of wine. And you can access the United Red Carpet club wireless too.

Of course it got worse! Check this series out.

My original email: Flight number: UA5760
Departs: 12:28 p.m. on February 5 from gate A3c, Washington, DC (IAD – Dulles)
Arrives: 2:04 p.m. on February 5 at Detroit, MI (DTW)

Then: Flight UA5760 5FEB from IAD to DTW is cancelled. You are now confirmed on UA5734 5FEB departing 5:00 pm from gate A5e, IAD to DTW. The flight is now estimated to arrive DTW at 6:41 pm.

Then: @United starts following us on twitter.

Bwahahahaha.  United dares to follow @noplasticshowers

Bwahahahaha. United dares to follow @noplasticshowers

Then: United flight UA5734 on February 5 is delayed and awaiting arrival of the crew.
Now departs: 6:00 p.m. on February 5 from gate A5e, Washington, DC (IAD – Dulles)
Now arrives: 6:38 p.m. on February 5 at Detroit, MI (DTW)

(By now my dinner meeting has been cancelled.)

Then: United flight UA5734 on February 5 is delayed due to late-arriving aircraft.
Now departs: 8:30 p.m. on February 5 from gate A5e, Washington, DC (IAD – Dulles)
Now arrives: 10:08 p.m. on February 5 at Detroit, MI (DTW)

Then: United flight UA5734 on February 5 is delayed due to late-arriving aircraft.
Now departs: 9:00 p.m. on February 5 from gate A5e, Washington, DC (IAD – Dulles)
Now arrives: 10:38 p.m. on February 5 at Detroit, MI (DTW)

I walked down to the gate at 8:30. Why? Good question.

Then: United flight UA5734 on February 5 is delayed due to late-arriving aircraft.
Now departs: 9:25 p.m. on February 5 from gate A2f, Washington, DC (IAD – Dulles)
Now arrives: 10:38 p.m. on February 5 at Detroit, MI (DTW)

Then: United flight UA5734 on February 5 is delayed due to late-arriving aircraft.
Now departs: 10:45 p.m. on February 5 from gate A2f, Washington, DC (IAD – Dulles)
Now arrives: 11:23 p.m. on February 5 at Detroit, MI (DTW)

Who is in charge? Jeff Smisek of course. Hey Jeff you suck! Who is on the United BOD? They need to fire you.

And I have not flown yet. I do hope I get to Ann Arbor before my two public talks tomorrow! An eight hour and thirty-four minute delay. Imagine if they had to pay my last billable rate for this nonsense! United, you owe me $4250 and two meals so far. Expect to hear from me.

United is so awful I could just scream!

United is so awful I could just scream!

Finally after waiting for over 11 hours for a flight that never took off, I bailed. I am now booked for the first flight tomorrow morning. Absolutely the worst United flight experience in my flying history.

Noplasticshowers tweets

January 14, 2013

@noplasticshowers

yy-hats

Why? Because rumor has it that United airlines listens to tweets? Why not! Lets find out.