Four years ago, I was upgraded on every United flight I flew across the country except for one. Then came the era of Jeff Smisek (2011, 2012), mostly likely the worst CEO of a major company in the United States.
These days, getting an upgrade on United is impossible. Who cares about loyalty when you can cram your customers on broken old airplanes because they’re pretty much stuck with you?! I used to kinda like United about the same way I liked Honda. Now I just feel ripped off and stuck in a very bad airplane marriage.
I gotta tell you, flying across the country on United equipment in “economy plus” is not a happy experience. I am an unsatisfied customer.
And all of the United employees I meet think their boss sucks too.
JEFF SMISEK, please retire. Pretty much anybody could do a better job than you are doing.
All your suck are belong to Jeff Smisek, worst CEO in America.
TSApre: Lesson from the Trenches
May 8, 2013
TSApre worked (and it does not suck)! TSApre failed (that does suck). TSApre kept on failing consistently for five months.
For the first few times (10?), everyone (including the TSA agents at Dulles) were convinced that I had been randomly selected again. After all, I have a Global Entry identity with a nice plastic card and everything. Then, last week the TSApre icon thingy was added to boarding passes regardless of whether you are selected for extra screening or not. None of my boarding passes had the icon! Uh oh. THis was obviously a system problem somewhere.
The new icon looks something like this. (Not sure who this guy Timothy D. Jester is, but he posted his boarding pass for us. Uh thanks Timothy. And sorry that you are on a waiting list for upgrade even with Global Services status. Typical.)
United app puts a TSApre icon on boarding passes now.
I thought the system failure was United’s fault since they had “changed my frequent flyer account to cohere with the TSApre database” and I was directed to “double check” all the data. I did everything I could to check through the website and even spent an hour on the phone with United last night.
This morning we discovered that the failure was my travel agent’s fault. They had my birthdate wrong in their system. Easy fix, and important too. Now the TSApre icon is on my boarding pass.
Moral of the story? Double check your birthdate entries if TSApre is failing for you. Apparently big brother cares when you were born.
FWIW, I made it through a very long (30 person) TSApre line in 6 minutes. Not bad.
It’s not as bad as the Disney Sheraton, but it’s close. I find myself trapped in a Marriott resort for a meeting. It smells like a Marriott, kind of dusty with hints of clorox.
Welcome to hall. Always a cart or two out for your viewing pleasure.
I am in glorious hamster cage number 428, which is distinguishable from all of the other rooms here only by its number. Here is what Marriott has for us today. (There are no flowers. There is no note. There is some water I can buy for $6.)
 Rectangle view one. |
 Rectangle view two. |
Yay! A plastic shower of the most banal possible type.
 Plastic shower at the Marriott (well, what did you expect?!). |
 Bzap. |
Maybe I can plug in my ipod? Uh, no. Should have brought along some CDs?! Really?
Real new “digital” technology.
Yes, Marriott continues to bore. I’m afraid to even go down and look at the bar. When do I get to go to NY??
One sad drippy showerhead for this place. Avoid.
At least it’s in Florida.
Here’s a little story. A buddy and I came back from a late dinner last night and decided to have a night cap around 11. Fraternity boy server dude (think Spicoli only less cool) was asked to bring some sparkling water and two glasses when he brought our drinks, one glass with ice, another without. 15 minutes later he returns with a tiny bottle of Pelegrino. Said, “That’s a bit small to share, can you get us a big one instead?” Leaves for another 10 minutes. Returns with nothing. “There were no more big bottles,” he said, “Sorry, man.” “But what about the little bottle you brought before?” “Oh I gave that to someone else.” FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. Marriott, what has become of hospitality in ‘merica?
And another. Having a breakfast meeting with a work buddy. Arrive a bit early and request a table. Ask server to sit by window. “Oh you can see just as well from here,” she says directing me to a decidedly non-window table. “I really don’t want to sit here, but I will if you make me.” Silence. “You see sir, sections, <blah blah blah middle management blather>." "Yes, but I don't want to sit here. Do you understand that? I will do so, but I don't want to." Sat there.
Story 3. Wrote down stuff that was broken in my room in a note and put a URL to this entry. When I was walking by the front desk they asked me how my stay was going. I said, “Glad you asked, here is some information about that.” Heard nothing at all from management about the note. Not even at checkout.
Speaking of which, the cute blond at checkout asks, “How was your stay with us? Did you enjoy your evenings?” “Not really. I provided some feedback about that.”
Blink. Blink. She replies. Silence. Nothing. Who trains these people?
Tough Times at the Cowper Inn in Palo Alto
April 23, 2013
I love the Cowper. It’s my go to place to stay in silicon valley. Like an old friend.
But room 27 sucks. Do not stay in room 27. Here’s why.
The heater in the bathroom is on the blink. At 2:36am it makes enough noise to keep you up the rest of the night. Ouch. There is no “off” button.
Wrong kind of shower.
The shower has a shower curtain and is situated over a bath tub. Nice showerhead, but all together as a package not for me.
The rest of the suite is suitable Cowper.
And the grounds are gorgeous as always.
Stone angel at the Cowper Inn.
This stay only gets three showerheads. Next time I will ask for my usual rooms.
No TSApre at Logan (and other indignities)
April 7, 2013
TSApre is good.
Sadly, though Logan just re-did security completely, they did not put in a TSApre lane. And they don’t enforce their premium security lane either. So today I got to stand around in line, remove my shoes, take of my belt, and wait while an entire pack of toddlers with strollers and parents was ushered through security.
Two per family please.
Hey United, how about fixing the security situation at BOS Terminal C please?
Speaking of which, I am #13 on the upgrade list for the flight down today. That sucks. Back to standard United behavior.
The British Ministry of Obscure Planning Ministry
March 30, 2013
Landed on Alitalia flight from Rome. Got through customs after a series of rather silly questions (given that we were just here last Sunday with the same passport numbers and everything). Had to dig up the address of the hotel in order to fill out the form properly.
Went to catch the Heathrow Express. The ticket office person sitting at the desk was “closed,” though present. Got tickets from a machine.
Went down to catch the train from Terminal Four where we landed. The instructions as to how exactly to do this from Terminal Four were not at all clear. I can only imagine what all of the Italians were thinking?! (Probably felt right at home actually.) Only the British can set up a system that obscure knowing full well that many thousands of visitors have to use it every day!
The Ministry of Silly Walks must run the Heathrow Express.
Had to take the train from Terminal Four Platform Two to Terminals 1,2, & 3 to catch the Heathrow Express after crossing from Platform One where we disembarked to Platform Two. Directions? Unclear. Electronic signs? Designed by a chimpanzee. Eventually, after an hour and twenty minutes had elapsed we caught the Heathrow Express.
Meanwhile, the Department of Dinner Reservations back at the Zetter had hit a snag after the reservation plan I asked them to execute last night failed at step 2 (call restaurant). The restaurant I had requested was already full! So the obvious thing to do is wait to let me find out after my five hours of flying-related blackhole comms? Uh, no.
Argh. Great Britain, what has become of you?
In Piazza Della Signoria a Disneyfied Location in Florence
March 28, 2013
Firenze (or Florence as we English-speakers call it) is the tourist mecca of the Renaissance. Things have been pretty much the same here for 1000 years. Except for the swarm of Americans that is.
We’re staying at a small hotel (pretending that it is a B&B) called In Piazza Delle Signoria. It’s a hotel. The Leonardo room and the Botticelli room are both very nicely appointed in a sort of nouveau rich way—almost tasteful but not quite.
But the view? Unbelievable. And the location? Could not be beat.
The view from our window at sunset.
The Leonardo room is large and has beautiful huge windows that open on the square. The only issue with the room (and this has more to do with this part of Florence than anything…kinda) is a tendency to fill with a whiff of sewer gas when it is sealed up. Opening the windows solves that problem.
The bedroom.
 The bed is large and very comfortable. |
 Angels overhead. |
The bathroom is about as tiled as possible. It’s also a bit hot since the towel heater is on perpetual hellfire and damnation mode (it should be called fra savonarola). No turning that thing down. I suppose it would be nice if it burned up the swamp gas?!
Tile in the bathroom.
We should also say that though the local wifi net is fast and well-designed, the ISP that the hotel is connected through must use a straw or semaphore flags. Expect delays and dropped connections.
And no need to practice your Italian, because I met only Americans staying here (if you count Canadians as Americans, that is). All very nice, interesting people.
On the other hand, the shower is awesome (esp for Europe).
 Modern shower pod with slidey curved glass. |
 Sink pod. With tiles and random water pressure. |
All in all this is a very nice place to stay. We’ll give it a high four showerheads rating.
Some advice if you stay at this hotel. Do not ask the night managers (as the case may be) where to eat. We were directed to the worst meal on this trip at the truly awful Acqua al 2. We have heard from locals that it used to be good. It is not good at all now. How could you be any good shoving 300 Americans through night after night?! After complaining (in Italian no less), the owner cooked me some very nice penne with their signature sauce. But the stuff we were served before that was truly awful. Avoid this horrible restaurant. (And note for the record that picking a non-tourist restaurant in Florence is an NP Hard problem.) A discussion with Monica cleared up the bad data problem I hope. She seemed to know better than the very nice but clueless night manager (a labrador retriever?).
Fortunately we were joined by Stefano the next night for a delightful and delicious meal at Il Latini which was so much more genuine, delicious, and Florentine that it is hard to imagine the difference.
Day 1: San Lorenzo market (many leather goods). The Uffizi. Shopping in Oltrarno. Buying shoes and all the other stuff that entails from Jennifer Tattanelli at Casini.
Ponte Vecchio from the Ufizzi.
Day 2: Bargello, then Academia delle belli arti (for David of course), followed by a very late lunch at a local enoteca. Then the most important part of the day. Eli’s haircut at Ciro (thank you Jennifer) where Marco was not only fabuloso, but careful and kind as Eli had his first real cut in 8 years. He looks great. We topped things off before dinner with a trip up the Torre.
Palazzo vecchio torre.
Da torre.
Dinner at Golden View was excellent. Not only was everything superb: there was jazz, modern art, buontalenti gelato, and Grappa della cantina privata bocchino 1994. Best meal in Firenze by several kilometers.
But the devil may care, even as its head is removed.
United Sucks Again: Hub to Hub? Forget It
February 25, 2013
Back in the old days when United had equipment problems (which understandably happens sometimes), they would get another plane to the gate immediately and fly to their destination within an hour or two. Now under Jeff Smisek’s pathetic leadership, operations is so screwed up that United does the mystery five hour delay followed by a flight cancellation. Leave em hanging and then strand em!
Jeff Smisek explains that he can neither run an airline nor tie his shoes.
For the second “flight” in a row, this has happened, and today it’s my birthday to boot. So I get rebooked on a flight that departs 8.5 hours after the one I was supposed to be on. And I get to be in a middle seat for 5.5 hours.
Was my business impacted again? Of course. I am supposed to be on a private cyber war panel in San Francisco this afternoon and have other business meetings as well (including recording a podcast). If you count on United to get you where you need to be for business, you should choose another airline.
Email trail:
Confirmation number:
United flight UA1429 on February 25 is delayed due to aircraft servicing.
Now departs: 12:30 p.m. on February 25 from gate D29, Washington, DC (IAD – Dulles)
Now arrives: 3:06 p.m. on February 25 at San Francisco, CA (SFO)
====
Confirmation number:
United flight UA1429 on February 25 is delayed due to aircraft servicing.
Now departs: 3:00 p.m. on February 25 from gate D29, Washington, DC (IAD – Dulles)
Now arrives: 5:49 p.m. on February 25 at San Francisco, CA (SFO)
====
@1:27pm
Confirmation number:
United flight UA1429 from Washington, DC (IAD – Dulles) to San Francisco, CA (SFO) on February 25 is canceled.
====
Confirmation number:
United flight UA1474 will depart from gate D21.
Departs: Gate D21, Washington, DC (IAD – Dulles) at 4:55 p.m. on February 25
Arrives: San Francisco, CA (SFO) at 7:58 p.m. on February 25
All that and a middle seat to boot (though see below).
Top it all off with a hugely unsatisfying call with “Customer Care” through the 100K desk (apparently routed to Camaroon call center).
On a slightly brighter note (like, say a 25 watt bulb), @united tweet people switched me from a center seat to a window. I can pretend I am 10 years old today! Better than middle I guess.
Oh Kimpton Where Art Thou: Palomar Washington DC
February 24, 2013
Steeerike. Straight over the plate, and the Kimpton batter didn’t even notice.
A very last minute trip to DC to do the way early Sunday morning talk show thing (on the MSNBC show Up with Chris Hayes), meant a night in DC. Refactored Saturday completely. Too quickly I guess. (BTW, here is a link to the show segment.)
Room 438 is not at all like room 835. In fact, its not quite up to Kimpton standards in my book.
Bed room. Bed only.
Room layout is the main problem. 438 is a suite made of two long rectangles. The room with the bed fits only the bed. Good thing the TV is flat! The suites two rooms are separated by doors so thin they rattle and clonk in a hollow way and don’t close properly. And there is this massive blank section of the room in the corner. Design feature? Mistake?
What belongs here other than nothing?
But the sad thing is, a plastic shower.
Tiny bathroom with plastic shower.
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|
No welcome note either.
I guess it is better to plan ahead! We’ll find out next week in San Francisco, won’t we. Three showerheads for this trip to the Palomar DC. Next time I hope somebody is paying more attention.
Dulles Marriott: Adding Insult to Injury with a Plastic Shower
February 7, 2013
After my ridiculous non-travel day trapped at Dulles courtesy of United, the Marriott across the street from the terminal was a welcome respite. My friend Drew has Elite status and helped to snag me a room once I finally gave up on getting to Detroit after an 11 hour wait. (Did I mention that United sucks? It does.)
Good news? Incredibly friendly staff. Bad news? Plastic showers and those 1985 hamster cage rooms. Oh well, the bed was comfortable.
Welcome to the machine.
Plastic shower.
Drew’s Elite status earned me choice of 500 points or a snack. After hearing my United story, the people at the front opted to give me both. Hopefully Drew got the points. I need them not.
Snack. All wrapped up and ready for the grocery store.
Still no fan of Marriott. This hotel, though a welcome place to crash after a crappy day, is a two showerheads hotel. Only stay here if utterly screwed by your own airline.
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