It’s 2013: Uber Wins, United Loses
November 23, 2013
My latest United airlines experience leads me to believe that air travel has finally degenerated to bus service. I don’t do bus. Two long-ish hub to hub flights on United (IAD—ORD) were crowded, cramped, and involved mandatory ads displayed on a device you can’t turn off.
United DirecTV CRAP shows mandatory ads.
Oh I know all about getting the screen to sleep with the volume control button. But there are several ads that you are forced to watch. They have nothing to do with safety. That is just unacceptable.
How is it that United airlines can get DirecTV to work but can’t get Wifi installed? I guess unlike most Americans, I don’t like plastic showers or TV. Go figure. Maybe I am from the wrong social class.
Did you know that United pays Jeff Smisek almost $10 million per year? Imagine if United spent that money installing wifi on their planes instead.
And how is it that I can no longer be comfortable in economy plus on a United flight? Air travel used to be a bother. Now it is just like riding a bus. An overcrowded South American bus. What’s next, livestock? Worse actually. What’s next is cell phone yabber from sales droids.
Jeff Smisek has absolutely ruined United airlines. I think the time has come for me to drastically cut back on travel and to use another airline when I do fly. Any other airline.
After 1,524,754 miles on United, I am done.
All is not lost in 2013, however. This year I started using Uber. Uber is great. I’ve used it in NY, Boston, Washington, Amsterdam and Paris so far. There is no Uber in Des Moines.
Uber has a name that fits.
Try it, you’ll love it. No more broken down crappy taxis driven by clueless drivers lacking communications skills.
Thank the gods that no fly noel is almost here.
Westfields Marriott, Ronald Reagan, and Paint (Dulles, VA)
November 15, 2013
Not that long ago, all 300 of us piled into the Westfields Marriott for a technical meeting of the minds. I just came back to this Marriott property to run another conference—smaller but including executives from 38 different firms dispersed around the world.
I stayed in the same room (130 which is the Presidential Suite). Sadly, they did not get around to fixing the shower since my last visit. So this well-appointed marble palace of a room is marred with a plastic shower curtain. Add that to the fact that the shower has no water pressure at all—an insufficient dribble—and we have a problem Houston. Miserable. Here in noplasticshowers-land that sort of problem is a fatal flaw.
This shower is not good.
One of these things is not like the others.
The rest of the room is probably decorated about the same way it was when Ronald Reagan stayed here in the ’80s. New paint? New carpets? That would be nice. (Contrast with this.)
Living room. Nice place for an ’80s party.
Fireplace (fake variety). On switch.
And then down the spiral stairs.
Spiral down.
To the room where nobody wants to hang out. Even when the full bar is put down there and there are too many people upstairs.
Yuck
Need music? No problem. Some massive, heavy, metal core speakers can be hooked up with a metal box, RCA adapters, and thick cables to your ipod. Time warp!
The bed is nice.
Bedroom
But Marriott still has very bad Net that costs money?! Authentication systems straight out of the early ’90s too. yay?
Desk with a view.
Bathroom art (in bathroom 1)
No shower here.
We had some fun times in 130. The rent-a-cop came to visit once but then went on his way when informed that it was only 11pm.
All in all the Westfields Marriott is a very good place to hold a meeting. Nice facilities, but very very dated technology. Creaky internet with really stupid authentication (why is net not free here?!). A/V equipment manufactured before advanced alloys. A default liquor and wine list that needs work. But the food is great, and the lobby is gorgeous. Can’t win ’em all I guess.
All in all a three showerhead (a one head demotion) for this place. Hey Marriott, fix your shower!
Fallen Flowers: The Marriott Rive Gauche in Paris
November 5, 2013
The feeling this picture gets across pretty much sums this property up.
Lets get this straight. I’m here because I have to be. I am directly involved in a large congress with over 825 people most of whom are staying here at the Marriott Rive Gauche. There is a crazily designed conference center here where we held the show.
Simply put, this property has seen better days. And in case you wondered, the 14th arrondissement is not really Paris. (Somewhat fittingly it is home to the catacombs.)
I am in plussed up Executive Class Junior Suite 1755. It’s about what you would expect from a Marriott: that inexplicable musty smell, really creaky HVAC, design from the late 70s, colors no longer found in nature, bathroom layout that is just laughable, concrete walls that are so thin you hear the neighbors (all of them), expensive bad net that is overstressed when geeks are present, and awful showers.
Without further ado lets jump right in.
The set of rooms seems like a cave that you must duck your head into. That’s probably due to the “hide a beam” paint job.
Welcome to the room that seems shorter than it really is.
Exactly what color is that couch?!
Whoa, the architect was on crack.
The bed is very comfortable.
There was a flower here when I arrived. It has since disappeared. It inspired the title of this post.
Fallen flower.
There are two bathrooms which are mirror opposites. They are equally strange.
Really?
Euroshower. Terrible shower head. Thin plastic tub.
Yeah, really.
There is this kind of view of whatever this is a view of. Paris, where are you?
Paris, the side most people never look over.
All that aside, this room needs some attention. Like new carpet that is not gold, better furniture, revitalized HVAC, and some help in the land of wallpaper.
This is one of several wallpaper issues in 1755.
I am also distressed to report that on Monday I had the worst croissant I have ever had in France. I believe it must have been flown in special by United airlines in cahoots with their supplier.
But all is not lost this trip. I am in Paris and there is great stuff to do. I think I’ll make a separate blog entry for the good stuff.
But I can share one tip. If you find yourself stuck here for whatever reason, just around the corner (out to the right and left at the first street) is a great little bistro, Bistro A Vins (aka Paris Gourmand)— authentic, simple, and fabulous. Across the street from that gem is the more workaday L’alouette which has net (password: alouette) and nice staff.
The Mormons of Marriott are giving US brands a bad name here in Paris. Way down there with Burger King and McDonalds. Horrors. A low two showerheads (and a look the other way) for the Marriott Rive Gauche. Only stay here if you must.
Caveat Emptor: United’s Award Accelerator ripoff WARNING
October 28, 2013
I have been ignoring the upsell crap on United check in machines for years. But this year I may actually need to plus up to hit 100K miles (I know, that should be a good thing. And what the heck good is United status anyway?). In my haste to let the long line behind me at Dulles keep moving I must have misread the fine print on the upsell machine. (Did I mention that the line was long?!)
What I thought were Premier Miles that counted toward status turned out to be mere mileage balance miles that I apparently just paid $0.026 per mile for. Fuck that. I don’t need that kind of miles.
I tweeted United. Here’s what the new improved “friendly” United has to say.
United does the twitter BADLY.
I’m not done. Expect to hear more from me and quite possibly the FTC before we’re done here. Hey Jeff Smisek, more bad management. And more mistreatment of the people who provide your revenue stream. It is amazing that United airlines is still in business. I feel completely violated and ripped off.
And while we’re at it, United just did this on my flight to Europe: There was bad weather. There was a delay. I understand that. But after postponing departure from 5:45pm to 11:30pm, United required me to be at the gate at regular departure time. So I got to spend 6 hours at Dulles airport. Sorry, Dulles is just not that interesting.
Who the heck is in charge of United airlines?
Three Strikes for the Conrad in Indianapolis: Bye Bye Hilton
September 26, 2013
This hotel is very nice, especially if you are a lady of a certain age.
But they have fatal flaws. Lets list them just for fun.
FLAW 1: They apparently do not have a computer. So they have no idea that I like the “high 03” room category. In fact, they seem to have no idea that I have been here before at all. Hey Hilton, everybody else has computers these days and CRM systems. You should get one!
FLAW 2: Maybe they are trying to save money, because if they charged themselves for Internet access on the computer that they don’t have, they would go bankrupt. There is just no excuse for no free net in 2013.
Argh. Internet, water and oxygen cost $$ at the Conrad.
FLAW 3: There is nowhere to plug in your ipod here in room 1021.
This speaker no ipod jack haveth.
When I checked in, the checkin woman at the front desk seemed put off by my pointing out that they should have a computer and know what kind of room I like. (The hotel is overrun by Canadians from Eli Lilly in for a sales confab who apparently took all of the good rooms.) Oh well. She was not friendly at all. Then the room keys failed multiple times. But super friendly Jacob Barnes did what he could to salvage the situation. Jacob to the rescue! Good work Jacob, you should get a job at a better hotel chain.
But wait, there’s more.
FLAW 4: At exactly 3:15am this morning, some carousing party animals showed up on the 11th floor above my room. They made huge amounts of noise until 4:15am. Rude yes, but they were drunk and having a good time. Hotel management remained blithely unaware. I tried to put a pillow over my head.
Here is the rectangular bliss that is room 1021.
1021 is tight but well appointed.
No more showerheads for the Conrad Hilton. Next time I am in Indianapolis, I plan to try the Alexander.
Never fear, all is not lost; the Libertine is still just down the street. Superior mixology and excellent fun, even when overrun by Canadian pharmaceutical types.
Barman Randy Gray kept his wits even while under complete deluge. Even Chef Paul got in on mixing drinks (which was kind of a riot to watch). Randy made time for this experimental beverage which we will call the ho hum (it still needs work)
1 oz hum (too much)
.75 cynar
.5 montenegro
.5 fernet branca
.5 lime
Absinthe rinse on glass. Stir down. Strain.
I have never heard tell of a drink with such a crazy variety of bitters. And it was almost good. We’ll see what we can do to make the ho more respectable at the home bar.
Bacon flight: 3 types, jowl, duck, regular
Bacon flight. Nuff said.
This posting written and posted over a cell phone wireless net.
United Touts “Friendly Skies” Again for $30M
September 21, 2013
Here we go. United has opted to spend $30M on advertising to tell us that they are once again “friendly.” Read all about it in the NY Times story here:
The best return for United’s $30M in my view would be as a severance package for Jeff Smisek. Bye bye sucky CEO. Second best? Spend $30M getting operations fixed so that flights actually depart on time (or in some cases actually depart at all). And while you’re at it, why not ditch some of those planes that you bought way back when the original “friendly skies” debuted in the mid-1960s?!
United goes back to the future.
Here’s the first spam! Nice spend!! Know why these customer actors are happy? Because they were upgraded! Yay! Must have way more than my 1.5 MILLION miles.
United Spam #1: Friendly!
Wilmington Hilton Bested by Okra
August 19, 2013
Well pickled okra anyway. In a martini. At circa 1922 which is a pretty good restaurant in Wilmington, NC, but nowhere near as good as they think they are. (The Dixie Grill is still the best thing in town.)
Okra martini (pickled) from Circa 1922
Okra beats this.
Rectangular building paying homage to parking lots and puddles.
But you already knew how I felt about the Wilmington Hilton. Somebody build a real hotel down here!!
Preferably one without bathroom consoles like this.
Curvey.
One showerhead for Wilmington Hilton. Only stay here if you have to.
Like, Hilton, still, like sucks in Wilmington, NC
June 21, 2013
The epitome of plastic showers can be found at the Hilton, which, like still sucks still. Like Paris would never, like, stay here. Eeeeew. Grody. (All it has done since last year is age a year.)
Here’s what the stylish hall looks like. It has the ineffable Hilton smell. Maybe that’s the Paris scent?!
Room, er, I mean one room suite 416, has two tiny crappy beds and a couch that pays homage to the Almighty Television. Go TV. Paris prolly likes that.
Hide-a-bed from the ’70s. Comes with its own Hotwheels car.
One tiny crappy bed.
But a spectacular view.
Nice roof. And the parking structure is truly fantastic.
Shower? Sucks.
Plastic shower.
But we do love Wilmington. Dinner at Caprice Bistro was very nicely put together. They even create some nice cocktails.
And tomorrow, the Dixie Grill will be perfect for breakfast.
Hilton? One showerhead. And maybe the bottom of the big chain barrel.
United Airlines Presents the Worst Seat Ever
June 6, 2013
Hub to hub? SFO–>IAD Lets fly a 737-800 which means NO UPGRADE for you. And now presenting seat 11F, a window seat. Not even an aisle seat.
Sadly, you are stuck on United airlines.
United just sucks. Jeff Smisek plain old sucks. Fly another airline. There is no status on United.
Does seat 11F suck? Only if you want out of your row EVER.
An update. No wifi. Mandatory television payment with DirecTV (like ads? good, you get some). 10 person lines at the bathroom at all times in “economy.” Credit card payment for crappy food in plastic packs.
11F on a United 737-800 designed by people from the previous generation in 1967.
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