United Sucks: One third the airline for the same full price, or, all your regional upgrade certs are belong to us
September 28, 2012
United CEO Jeff Smisek continues to destroy the last vestiges of hope for United airlines. I just completed a west coast run (which I have done countless times), and the flying part of this trip was just pathetic. Jeff Smisek, you need to resign before United loses all of its customers. Really. Nobody likes you—especially your flight crew employees—and your customers in particular think Unted’s decline is all your fault. I certainly do.
Remember when 100K flyers with 1.5M miles were upgraded regularly on new equipment? Well neither do I since it has been three years. My upgrade average this year is running well under 20%, even when I try to use electronic upgrade certificates “awarded” to me as a reward for suffering under United’s decline. What good does it do for me to be loyal to this airline? No good at all.
I decided to start tracking which fare class I am in to see if there is any rhyme or reason to the way I am treated by United’s computers. Here are the data from this trip:
Economy (V) upgraded
Economy (L) not upgraded (waitlist position 3)
Economy (V) not upgraded even with an (utterly useless) regional cert request (waitlist position 8)
What good are regional upgrade certificates and how do you use them? As far as I can tell, they are completely worthless and do nothing to bump you up the normal “automatic upgrade” queue. Gosh, what a phenomenal reward.
As you see, I did get upgraded on one leg of this trip (going west on the long leg) and here is how it went. I was upgraded on an ancient 757 which barely had enough seat power in the recently renamed “BusinessFirst” class to keep my laptop running. Hilariously, the seat power system was not able to charge the battery. I got some honey nut cherios (oh joy) for my trouble and a slightly roomier seat. So maybe I am complaining about nothing really.
Leg 2 (no upgrade) was a short flight on a B737-800 piece of Continental equipment with no economy plus. The seat was uncomfortable, crammed, too small, and crappy. I felt like I was flying in Europe.
Leg 3 (no upgrade) was another ancient 757-200 with no power, no wifi, no in seat entertainment, and minimal comfort. I was able to use my macbook air until the battery depleted.
Some pictures for your entertainment.
Wow, a CRT that shows a captive audience one program!
This is the kind of seat you get as a reward for flying too much.
I see that maintenance has upgraded my volume controls.
I should give a shout out to the professional flight crews who have to deal with a bunch of disappointed frequent flyers. There must be thousands of us. The flight crews put on a good face even though they have apparently drawn the short end of the stick in this situation. Thanks you guys. You deserve a better CEO and a better airline.
My friend Drew keeps sending me texts about how much better Delta is. He switched airlines last week. Says first class is better, there is real wifi net, and even champagne. Remind me why I fly United so loyally, because I don’t seem to recall.
Meanwhile Jeff Smisek shows up on the mandatory pre-flight infomercial touting the dreamliner, fresh paint, new equipment, and inflight wifi—all “coming soon.” Guess what Smisek, you have us all on 757s built 25 years ago. United’s aging fleet sucks and I am riding on it. Your marketing crap is crap. Improve operations or at least stop bullshitting about how great things are.
United Airlines sucks and I am getting fed up enough to start voting with my flying dollars.
Now Appearing at the Alexis Hotel in Seattle: His Keithness
September 26, 2012
The concierge at the Hotel Marlowe (in Boston) was the best. But then he was gone. And now he’s back where he started from in Seattle! Hot damn.
Imagine my surprise when I walked into the Alexis Hotel in Seattle for the first time and there behind the desk was Keith Dowsing. He recognized me immediately (and vice versa). The planet is small.
I definitely like having people I know figure out which room I end up in. Then again, there can be some interesting quirks, viz, this room (638) is a bit odd since it is the honeymoon suite. What?!
 Check out the art. All wedding photos. A bit disconcerting! |
 Design sensibility abounds. But what is this? A CD payer? Antiques. |
What kind of bed goes in a honeymoon suite? A big one like this.
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The all important shower is in a palatial bathroom replete with a gigantic hot tub podium and a settee, and the shower itself has a two headed shower and a glass door. Does this make the Alexis eligible for ten showerheads? Hmm. Well,um.
The two headed shower is hard to capture in bits. It’s about 8 feet long.
The hot tub podium. Three steps up not shown.
Probably the only iffy design feature of the honeymoon suite is the long long hall. It displays a bunch of wedding pictures. It’s long so that the bathroom fits.
The long long hall.
After I settled in to get some work done, guest services arrived with a welcome package. Very nice indeed. And sparkling water = yay! Thank you keith.
 Cheese plate good. |
 Want to make this blog happy? Try a note like this! Rock on no plastic showers. |
So the Alexis is a five showerhead place. Bonus. Another great Kimpton property.
Dinner at the trendy Anchovies and Olives was very good. Low key. Great wait staff who made us only eat olives but not anchovies. We brought our own wine, but the list trends Italian properly.
And the bar at the hotel is actually good. Hirsch 16? Dang. Bottle 3 on the planet (Blue Smoke and the Alembic) and priced way too low. Come buy it. We were served by the enthusiastic Devon Fiene.
Good bourbon.
Back at the Cowper Inn Again (Palo Alto, CA)
September 26, 2012
Gorgeous grounds at the Cowper Inn.
I’m here at the Cowper Inn just a block or two from the bustling heart of Palo Alto, California. It’s a beautiful day like always, and is is nice to be here for the fourth time in 2012! (dang.)
I’m in room 28 again, though I think I like 31 better now. No time for breakfast at the Cowper yet this run. But that may be OK since rumor has it that the espresso machine is toast. Joji says another is on the way.
Morning sun.
The cowper is one of my favorite “grandfathered in” five showerheads locations. Do I really visit four times a year these days?
Spent some quality time in San Francisco yesterday with dinner at Chez Papa (get the cassoulet) and after dinner drinks at the Alembic.
The Alembic is just superb. This go ’round, expert bartender Rachel mixed us some excellent drinks (both un-named as far as we know, so I will name them here):
Almost Liberal
1 cognac
1 rye
.75 Avena
.25 Green Chartreuse
.5 Curacao
3-4 Angustora
2-3 Orange bitters (Regans #6)
Express orange peel and disgard
Boozy Moderate
1.5 bourbon
.75 punt et mes
.5 Nocino della christina from Napa (walnut liqueur)
Express orange peel and drop in.
About the only problem with the Alembic is that you need to appear to be a member of the tribe (tats and t-shirts help) or the authentication procedure is really longer than it should be. I accidentally wore a fancy handmade shirt from Argentina. Alas. Also the word “concoction” is verboten among some behind the bar. At least Rachel was friendly!
Chicago Palomar Rocks On
September 13, 2012
Last time I was here, I was on a whirlwind college tour with my son. This time was business with more time to stretch out and enjoy this superb property.
Attention to detail is a great sign. Pre arrival email threads with Jake Forbes, Jacques Bezuidenhout, and Mike Ryan set the stage for some excellent mixology. Sable is really doing it right. Best hotel bar ever.
Arrival was punctuated with a note and a concoction from John Stanton. I have to say, this is not only the most interesting, but also the most on the mark arrival package the Kimpton has ever produced. Superb.
I am in 1427 this time, one floor down from my first stay with exactly the same layout and design. The complimentary upgrade was much appreciated (especially since Chicago prices were way too high this week due to some convention or other).
The bed has not seen enough sleep hours so far. (Had to get up at 4:30am today to fly to Minneapolis for a day trip.)
Bedroom through the mirror. Power pods on the tables are a welcome addition.
The sitting room came in handy between meetings in the city.
Sitting room where work was actually done.
And the shower is way non-plastic. The shower is huge, but it needs more water pressure.
Shower not plastic. Tub not used.
Design sensibility abounds.
By far the best part of this visit was time spent at Sable with barman John Stanton. John was eager to chat about spirits, ideas, and experiences. Excellent. Among other drinks, John concocted these two:
Blood Moon
1.75 Bourbon
.75 Carpano Antica dry vermouth
.25 Luxardo
dash Laphroig 10yr Scotch
10 drops orange bitters
Stir. Strain in rocks glass, chilled and rinsed with Laphroig. Express orange peel over glass.
Autumn Rose
1.5 Matusalem Clasico Rum
.75 Carpano Antica dry vermouth
.5 Lemon juice
.5 Yellow Chartreuse
.25 Honey syrup (2:1 ratio)
2 dashes Angustora
Shake and strain.
The mixology coup de grace was a visit to the office (an “uber exclusive speakeasy”) arranged by Dan. Superb. Oysters with tinctures. Wow. They outshone the exquisitely concocted drinks. Must return.
Other Chicago mixology (your mileage may vary): Barrelhouse Flat (Greg Buterra), Delilah’s, Whistler, Scofflaw, Drawing Room, and of course one of the best, the Violet Hour. Minneapolis mixology: East Street Social, Marvel Bar, Maude’s (chad).
And there is always the Art Institute of Chicago on a gorgeous day.
September in Chicago.
I will be back to the Palomar and to Sable whenever I am in Chicago. A gem of a place to get some business done. Five showerheads.
Bobo take three: Buenos Aires in 2012
August 28, 2012
After the nonsense that it took to get to Argentina, it was great to take a shower at the Bobo Hotel again in Buenos Aires. I am in room #5 at my request, and the shower still has the coolest port hole ever.
Port hole in the shower.
About the only thing that has changed here is the TV situation. There’s a flat screen TV on the wall now where there used to be a small LCD set in a nook (simulating a flat screen WRT wall placement). But who cares about TV when there is Argentina to be visited?!
The staff is great. The restaurant is very good (nothing like a steak and a malbec your first night in Argentina). The wifi is free. The neighborhood is cool.
Graffiti is everywhere in Palermo, but at least some of it is interesting.
I’m still casting about for mixology with my friends, but in the meantime the bar at the Bobo concocted me a Bonsoni last night:
1 oz Fernet Branca
2 oz Rosso vermouth
Shake over crushed ice. Strain into cocktail glass.
Fernet Branca is an interesting amaro originally from Italy and now more pervasive in Argentina than in Italy (go figure). The Portenos drink Fernet and Coke. The Bonsoni, from 1916, is very nice.
The hot tub and balcony through one of the many mirrors.
Five showerheads for the Bobo. This place is superb. See more pictures here and here.
Tuesday night began with a mixology visit to 878 for a cocktail. We all enjoyed a Juan Collins (invented in house by Julian Diaz) during “vermouth hour,” and then headed down to unik for an absolutely delicious meal. Juan Collins:
1 oz Bols Genever
1 oz cynar
1 dash amargo obrero
1 dash hesperidina
1.5 oz grapefruit juice
1 oz soda
Delicious and well balanced.
Ironically, considering all of the 878 hype on the net, the drinks at unik were more interesting. In particular, consider the Ferrocarril 1922:
1 oz Pineral
.5 oz Hierro Quina
.5 oz dry vermouth
.5 oz sweet vermouth
dash of marischino liqueur
dash grenadine
shake. strain into cocktail glass. This is a delicious drink from Buenos Aires in the 1920s. [Cóctel famoso en Buenos Aires en los años 30, 40 y 50, fue rescatado del olvido por el barman e investigador argentino Guillermo Blumenkamp, ésta es la adaptación de nuestro barman Federico Cuco.]
Books in an adapted theater. Supremely cool.
Visited “El Ateneo,” a phenomenal bookstore built in an old theater. Eventually bought a copy of Cochteleria Argentina by Rodolfo Reich.
A business dinner at tegui was all it was cracked up to be. Superb meal all around. Drinks until 4am at Mundo Bizarro seems like the way to go.
Of course everything in Argentina is not all shishi. Here is where Ivan and I had lunch one day in La Plata.
Michelin? No. Goodyear? Maybe. Delicious pork tenderloin.
A, O, Way to go United
August 27, 2012
(With apologies to The Pretender’s My City Was Gone.)
After several weeks not on airplanes, it’s back to the rat race—and all continues to be not well with United. It seems that Mr. Smisek still can’t run an airline that pleases and rewards its most loyal customers. I could have titled this posting My Airline is Gone.
I’m writing this entry in Buenos Aires, Argentina after a ridiculous bout of travel. Here’s what happened.
I should have known when I had to book the flight to Buenos Aires through Newark that something was fishy. United used to fly nonstop from IAD, but no longer. (Last time I came to Argentina, I flew that route.) What could go wrong adding a leg in the opposite direction of where you’re actually going? Hah.
More back story. My horrendous United experience earlier this year when I was de-upgraded by the confluence of an asshole and a pathetic set of gate agents plus all of my other railing against United’s bad service and Smisek’s bad leadership, led to my getting a call from a special assistant to Mr. Smisek who offered to help smooth things over. She actually did what she said she would, getting my bribes for bad service through the system and working to make sure I was upgraded to business using my now-mostly-useless systemwide upgrades on this trip to Buenos Aires. Right.
So I was getting ready to head to the airport and I got an email stating that the flight from IAD->EWR had been cancelled. I immediately called United and they had booked me to fly through Houston the next day. You guessed it. No upgrade and inferior equipment with no lay flat beds. Their default plan B was more like plan Z. 11 hours in economy overnight with 35 degree recline. I’m too old for that nonsense.
I figured out an alternative, flying through Cleveland (?!) from DCA to get to EWR (with no time to spare), got it ticketed via phone, and started driving like a maniac to DCA. By the time I got there, that flight had been delayed by weather so long that I would miss the flight from Cleveland (?!) to EWR and thus miss the leg to Buenos Aires. Fortunately, there was a superb gate agent at DCA named Corwyn Jeffers who suggested that I take a train to EWR. Apparently United would put me on that train for free (though none of the agents on the phone know that). Corwyn issued me a voucher and I snagged a cab to Union Station with 25 minutes to spare. Amtrak to NY. Yes, indeedy.
Of course the train was delayed thirty-five minutes (late departure due to poor line management), one-tracking outside of Delaware, etc., and I made it to EWR exactly 47 minutes before scheduled takeoff. I hustled from the station to Terminal C only to discover that it was too late to check a bag. Off to a very slow security line where they confiscated my toothpaste (too big) and almost caused me to miss boarding. EWR has no elite security line late at night, so be prepared to wait and fret while little old ladies who have apparently never flown before but who are ahead of you in line attempt to dig their laptops out of their suitcase.
Anyway, after all that nonsense I made it on the plane along with the last four Group 6 people still in line. I slept in my lay flat bed, all sweaty from the running. Takeoff was delayed for maintenance paperwork, but we landed on time. The crew was great.
But was the trip as a whole great? Not really. As we said back in Tennessee where I grew up, United can’t win for losing.
Omni Hotel in Charlottesville, VA
July 20, 2012
Though flying is right out during “no fly July,” driving to Charlottesville to see wilco is OK. We joined some dear friends for an evening in the hook, a great concert and some memorable food at Citizen Burger (which has a decent bar) and Mas Tapas (which stays open until 1am).
Sadly, the Omni in Charlottesville is an Omni. Just like the one in Atlanta. These hotels were designed in the ’70s and feel like Hyatts. They all have the strange triangle design with rooms overlooking a triangular cavernous lobby that smells of chlorine. But the Omni is on the downtown mall and walking distance to the Pavilion and it has a small crowded pool that is almost refreshing on a hot summer day.
Uninspired rooms stick to hotel standards worldwide. The widow at the end of the room (number 414) overlooks the lobby.
The bed dominates the room and pays homage to the TV.
The lobby as seen from the room window.
Nice ’70s architecture.
The bathrooms are the problem. Small, cramped and crummy. Don’t even think about sharing this bathroom. And yes, plastic showers.
 non-luxurious towel pile. Curvy shower rod over tub. |
 Flourescent lighting tops it all off. |
So stay at the Omni only because its location rocks, wilco is great, and everyone else is staying there already. Three shower heads and a wish for a real boutique hotel in Charlottesville.
No fly July 2012
July 16, 2012
After a two week delay (including a trip to Athens on United), no fly July has finally arrived.
No flying means no hotels. No hotels equals no strange showers at all (plastic or otherwise). See you after August 20th.
Funky Gourmet in Athens: Best Restaurant in the World?
July 15, 2012
I admit, I am a foodie even though I dislike that term. And I like to cook myself. There are only a few thing more satisfying than experiencing an incredible meal that can’t be reverse-engineered. We’ve had our share of amazing dining experiences all over the world in our day. Funky Gourmet in Athens(?!) takes the fruit basket. Wow.
Here are a few pictures and videos of the meal I just experienced. The pairing was exquisite. Just amazing. The soundtrack was great too. There was only one bug, the American hamburger homage can go (too sweet). Most of the dishes were astounding (and non-reversible).
Highlights mostly in order but skipping some courses.
Digging for celery root
Squaring the pea
Vegetable salad
Salmon substitution. This course was incredible.
Pearl in shell beats the oyster at Volt hands down, It actually tastes fantastic.
The coup de grace: the very berry dessert, A combination of real a virtual fruit.
If you have a chance to go to Funky Gourmet, definitely go. An experience worth travelling to Athens for.
Having travelled well over a million miles over the last ten years, I have had lots of opportunity to fly internationally on United. Back in the old days we used to horde our systemwide upgrades for just that kind of trip. Things have changed since the United/Continental merger—and not for the better.
I have spoken with about a dozen fellow 100K and global services United flyers, and they all agree that the biggest current unsolved problem when travelling internationally has to do with the upgrade list on international flights. We have all been booted from the upgrade list that is supposed to be completely automated. What happens is this. You sign up for an upgrade and get on the list. Then control gets released to the gate and the list gets mangled and 100k flyers drop off like flies. I was even de-upgraded this year (a word I sadly have to invent for Jeff Smisek’s new broken United)! Ever been kicked out of a business class pod for no good reason when you’re already in the seat? Well I have. It sucks.
My friend Jacob says that he has been kicked off the waitlist internationally at least 8 times and that it takes him 2 hours on the phone with United the night before his international flights to straighten things out. Amazing that this known problem has persisted so long. More attention to paint and buying airplanes than operating the ones you have properly perhaps?! Smisek, get an ops guy or get out of the way.
In order to avoid the upgrade list fiasco and the potential for being de-upgraded, I have taken to either buying business class direct or quadruple checking that the upgrade will go through the second an international economy ticket is purchased. This turns out to be either expensive or frustrating. I guess United wants me to go the expensive route. Thanks for your loyalty to your customers?! NOT.
This last trip, I flew through Frankfurt and had a long layover both going and coming. The United Arrivals facility no longer exists, and the Lufthansa lounges are so crowded that it is difficult to find a seat. The wifi systems are likewise utterly overloaded. So much so that it took me 40 minutes to get on the net to post this. (Maybe it’s an evil censorship plan?)
With no United Arrivals showers, I opted for the Lufthansa Senator Lounge and the adjoining business lounge near A26 in Terminal 1. There used to be amenities like up scale soap and shampoo. Now there is a dispenser of off brand “product” to use as soap, shampoo, conditioner, cooking oil, and antibiotic salve.
The shower is nothing to write home about.
Showers after a long flight feel great. But you know how we feel about plastic showers around here!
An amusing note. In the current iteration of the United business class packet thing you get at your seat there is a comb that reminds me of the ones we used to carry around in our back pockets in 6th grade. Classy? Not really. Ours had clever smart ass comments like “kiss my ass.” Way better than “United.”
A comb just like in 6th grade. Mrs. Snow would confiscate it.
One thing that has improved when it comes to international travel is customs at Dulles Airport. A vastly improved facility with Global Entry capability. It took me 10 minutes to breeze through customs today, mostly spent waiting for my bag.
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