Hell Freezes Over? United beats Kimpton at Own Game?! (Portland, OR)
October 22, 2014
I am back at the Riverplace in Portland, Oregon. I was just here for the first time this Spring (the property is newly Kimptonized). The showers are (sadly) all plastic in this city when it comes to Kimptons. Must have something to do with the rain??
I liked the Riverplace way more than the Portland Monaco though. Sadly, for my last stay, the number of hours in room could be counted on less than one hand. This time I am staying two days with some down time and I am stuck in dinky little 403. Oh well.
Anyway, Hell was clearly beginning to freeze over when United actually had power, wifi, and a comfortable ride for my cross continent journey. I was not upgraded. But I have learned the hard way over the last two years that my 1,579,471 of loyalty really don’t mean jack shit to United. Upgrades? Ha ha ha ha. Not for me. Only on flights that never take off.
I was psyched to arrive at the Riverplace again. Hoping for another shot at a nice room, this time with some time to be IN the room. But I must have arrived too late. And sadly even though I booked this room MONTHS AGO, the kind of room I like was unavailable. We’ll chalk that up to bad planning. NPS does not like bad planning. No we do not. We do not reward bad planning with super happy drivel blog postings. No no. We strap on the asbestos suit from the ’80s flame wars and flame on.
Step down in room quality at Kimpton PDX? United making me a happier camper than Kimpton? Inner Circle guy does not get a hot damn room?? Hell is clearly frozen over. Maybe the inner circle of hell.
My favorite interaction of the night was when the front desk called to, “make sure everything was satisfactory with the room.” “No, I said. I don’t like this room as much as 202 where I was last time.” Want to flumox the front desk? Tell them the truth! hah. “Um, well we were all out of that room category?!” {insert something here about bad planning} Did I mention the bad planning?
Here is the plastic shower in the tiny bathroom of 403.
This shower is not the kind of shower we like.
And here is a Vine of the room. It all fits nicely in 6 seconds. Just sayin’.
well @kimptonpdx room 403 does not hold a candle to 202. count me disappointed. @kimpton you know we track … https://t.co/ZhF9oD6zFi
— noplasticshower (@noplasticshower) October 22, 2014
Margo Helgen of the social media interwebs did try to pull off something nice, arranging a Hibiscus Mule cocktail (bit on the sweet side unlike this posting). But apparently Margo has no sway over computer system room allocation. Alas, Margo they should upgrade your magic wand! Thanks for playing along.
Hibiscus Mule cocktail. Afraid Jacques would not really approve.
And there was some serious confusion over just who ordered what cheese plate. One did arrive we must say!
So we’re going to bed. Maybe tomorrow during downtime after my early morning keynote we will be in a better mood. I doubt it.
On United it is One Step up and Three Steps Back
October 20, 2014
Since I remain locked into a hub, I am pretty much consigned to fly with United on at least some portion of my flights. United has suffered so much operationally since the merger with Continental that this is very painful indeed. I can say without any exaggeration that operations at United is still completely broken.
I spent 75,000 frequent flyer miles to get up to NH this weekend to write some music. What did I get? Two unsatisfactory flights.
Flight one to Boston was delayed 90 minutes (right through the dinner hour). There was no food on the flight—not even peanuts. The “entertainment” system is that ridiuclous DirecTV system that plays mandatory ads to you while you are strapped in your seatbelt. No wifi. No power to power your own iPad or Nexus.
Flight two never happened. A broken airplane rippled through several flights like toppling dominos. The way this unfolded was classic united. First a 40 minute delay. Then 90 minutes. Then 3 hours and 30 minutes. Then never. I was upgraded to first class on a flight that never happened!! awesome!
The only saving grace was the red carpet club in Boston which is a beautiful space. If you have to be on the drip delay (united can’t run an airline) the red carpet club is the place to be stranded.
the new @united club in boston is nice. sadly stuck here for an extra hour maintenance delay. https://t.co/WZHQNpv05q
— noplasticshower (@noplasticshower) October 19, 2014
The people at the United club were fantastic. They helped everyone get backup flights and even stayed open an extra two hours. But best of all, this happened. When I finally decided to bail and get some dinner, I went down to the Legal Seafood. As I was having a snack, the United rep came down to find me and let me know that she had booked me on a USAir flight to DCA. I had to run to Terminal B, but I got home thanks to the United club people. Too bad those good people can’t fire Jeff Smisek!
This tweet from United pretty much says it all.
@noplasticshower Our apologies for the inconvenience today. But we are glad that you made it to your destination. ^ML
— United Airlines (@united) October 20, 2014
Hiatus at the Highball Lounge (Boston)
October 17, 2014
Of course the United flight up to Boston was delayed (90 minutes) and of course there was no wifi on the flight. You see, United spent all kinds of money on that stupid DirecTV system as if everyone in the universe does not have their own nexus or ipad. United, you guys are truly behind the technology curve by a decade. Oh, and there was no food on the flight…at all.
So I was hungry when we finally landed 90 minutes late. We hightailed it to the Highball Lounge to visit my friend Shaher Misif. Shaher Misif is a dangerous man.
made it to @highballlounge where @smisif remains a dangerous man https://t.co/ETxANlBV0E
— noplasticshower (@noplasticshower) October 17, 2014
The Highball Lounge rocks. After an obligatory authentication shot, we had a delightful Barnyard Punch, recently added to the cocktail list and made as follows:
1.5 oz Bourbon
.5 oz Falernum
.5 oz Suze
.5 oz Lemon juice
.5 oz Raw sugar
2-3 dashes celery bitters
shake, strain, serve on rocks. garnish with mint and lemon moon. (I will cut the sugar down myself when I make this one.)
We also had an outstanding bacon cheeseburger and some tater tot nachos. Delicious.
Then we drove to NH with a warm fuzzy feeling.
The leaves are peaking in NH
Delta Quebec Exceeds Expectations
October 5, 2014
I must admit that after taking a look at the website and seeing the looming building on the drive from the airport, hotel expectations were pretty low. Hamster cage plastic shower here we come. How wrong I was!
The Delta Quebec has some great things to offer. Mostly, I can’t recommend anyone more highly than Isabelle at the front desk. She was awesome. Helped me get set up on 1110 on the concierge floor with a walk in shower. And guess what, the room is modern and not at all rectangular.
Fall in Quebec
1110 is not a rectangle. it is a complex shape
desk pod
The bathroom has great design. And an all glass shower.
this shower is not plastic
From inside the shower
It’s peak Fall up here in Canada now. Gorgeous light. Peaking trees. Sadly, I am so wiped out from Helinki and London that I have to go to bed early and get some rest. We’ll leave Quebec exploration for tomorrow.
the dirty window will soon be cleaned
A surprising five showerheads for the Delta. Mostly because of Isabelle.
The concierge floor has an interesting staircase to the breakfast room.
Welcome to the club
Quebec is gorgeous in the Fall. Just walking around the city is incredible.
Quebec is the only walled city in North America
University Laval (architecture school)
Fall
Much French. Very flag.
Plus herbs and vegetables
Then again, somebody did build this silly building on purpose.
The ’70s called and they want their building back
After a long walk, the Hobbit Bistro is an excellent place for a glass of wine. Then dinner at Le Moine Echanson is out of this world. Best confit on this side of the pond (made with Goose) plus some of the strangest wine I have ever had:
Canoë Gaillac (La Sorga)
Le Raisin et l’Ange (Fable)
BO2 (Berranco Oscuro)
All three wines are artisan wines with crazy things going on with the yeast. Almost beer like.
It was a night of all Kevins, the first being Kevin Grégoire running the restaurant pretty much by himself on a Monday. Great server.
Then a major disappointment at L’Atelier which is rumored to be the best cocktail bar in town. Though Kevin Gaffrey was willing to play and was very attentive, none of the drinks I tasted was actually worth drinking (four strikes and you’re out). Even the CR2 was made incorrectly and had to be refactored. The main problem seems to be very bad melty ice. Want to ruin a Sazarac? Make it with bourbon and bad ice. Want to make an awful manhattan? Throw in some Campari and get it all confused about whether it is just a very bad Negroni. At least the Fernet Branca was good (since it was a straight shot). I do hope there is a better bar somewhere in Quebec. Too much flash and not enough oomph at L’Atelier. Skip it.
Oh yeah, and United airlines is a very sucky way to get to Quebec! Puddle hoppers in two hops.
Why United is Just Awful
October 5, 2014
Only since the ill-fated merger have I flown economy class to/from Europe because of no upgrade. That is just awful. You would think that after 1,578,471 miles (which I paid for) United would have some loyalty to me. But they don’t.
Ten years of 100K status drops fast. Be forewarned United flyers. Your airline does not care about you at all.
This last trip to London/Helsinki was no exception. Business class on the way there (which we paid to upgrade at purchase) but no upgrade from economy on the way back. 8.5 hours in an awful seat with terrible food.
seat 23G in economy on an international flight. @united should know why i have no loyalty. sadly, stuck at … https://t.co/GBxvALsBrT
— noplasticshower (@noplasticshower) October 3, 2014
First world problem, I know. But frankly I expect more from an airline that used to earn my business.
United has gone to the dogs.
Hotel Fabian in Helsinki has the Best Showers
October 2, 2014
The Hotel Fabian has a computer now and they know I have been here before! Yay. On this nth visit I was upgraded to a very sweet suite 412. Thanks Fabian!
Room 412 has a table
And a living area
And a big old bed
The best part of room 412 and Hotel Fabian is the incredibly great shower. I mean great. Best shower in Europe great.
412 bathroom
This shower is just so good
I guess hot showers may just feel better when it is -2C outside in the morning.
The lobby downstairs is an excellent place for a glass of wine after travel (or a long day of BSIMM interviews).
The high art lobby at Hotel Fabian
Five plus showerheads for the Hotel Fabian.
A fancy pants dinner at Spis was very interesting, but more interesting than good. Subdued flavors that clim to be Nordic. Some surprising combinations. Ultimately I think the are just trying too hard. The dessert stuff was best constructed and world class.
Then it was off to Liberty or Death, a fantastic cocktail bar. (Someone needs to get them the memo that the Partrick Henry quote their name is from was hijacked by the right wing Tea Party morons in the United States…because these people are clearly liberal as all get out.) We were served by two “cocktail bastards” Andreas Cederström and Jaakko Väyrynen. Jaakko was super and in edition to making us a liberal (with red vermouth that was way too good), we tried some house made drinks.
The Red Shoe
40 ml monkey 47 gin (german)
30 ml creme de framboise
2 dashes Peychauds bitters
5 ml Raspberry red wine vinegar (house made)
1 t or less simple syrup
Mix together and then carbonate! quite a gorgeous concoction indeed. looks like we will be adding carbonation capability to the bar.
La Mancha Negra
25 ml Poli Morbida (grappa moscato)
10 ml cynar
10 ml aperol
5 ml Francaise guy (absynthe)
1 t simple syrup
3 dashes The Bitter Truth Jerry Thomas bitters (a fruity thing)
shake. strain in to cocktail glass. this one is missing something in the middle but a fine start. the grappa is too think. I think working it with a harsher grappa might help. And a deeper bitters.
We had an absolute blast at Liberty or Death which is by far the best bar in Helsinki. The people at Son of a Punch do great work. They are distilling spirits (tried the gin which is very very aromatic), importing great stuff, and staffing excellent bars. Note that we did attain a new target speakeasy not yet marked or marketed (Katariinankatu).
Final thought of the night: “A tattoo without equity is madness.”
Then it will drag tomorrow on my 8.5 hour United airlines international flight with no upgrade. United just sucks.
How to charge your phone (kludge) at F-Secure
United: So Close and Yet So Close
September 20, 2014
Anybody who knows this blog knows how I feel these days about the unmitigated disaster that United has become under the operational “leadership” of the out of touch Jeff Smisek. I was pleasantly surprised this trip to be upgraded ahead of times on both hub to hub trips (thank you United).
But (yeah, you saw that coming), on the outbound leg, our 757-200 had power requiring that business class adapter which I no longer carry around with me and no wifi. For me, having no net creates HUGE amounts of work post landing. I like keeping up with the net in real time so that geek things do not pile up. No net for three hours makes a mess. I don’t want to be “entertained,” I want to work.
On the inbound leg, the Continental 757-200 had neither power nor wifi but instead that infernally stupid DirecTV system. I sat next to a United pilot. We had a very interesting conversation about United leadership. Suffice it to say that the theories we spout here at NPS about United and operations are “spot on.”
Oh and we were delayed by equipment problems for 1.5 hours. When we finally boarded, groups 1 through 3 boarded before First Class due to some catering SNAFU. And whatever the caterers did, they did not bring enough meals so that I ended up with my choice. Rubber chicken with tomato gunk for me. Truly just awful.
United is improving, but there is a LONG way to go before I choose to fly instead of being forced to fly.
Why Air Travel on United is Just Awful: Check In
August 29, 2014
You know what’s sad? I just looked on my United app and I have at least 5 trips queued up to go. See, here in NPS-land, we’re stuck at a United hub. That is a total bummer.
Regular readers know that I have flown over 1.5 MILLION miles on United in a very loyal decade. But I am done with that. I decided this year to show United as much loyalty as they show me—none. Zippo. Zilch.
So we’ll fly most anybody as long as the timing works. Sadly, that keeps me on United more than I would like.
Lets dig into the checkin process at SFO as an example of why flying on United is painful. Here are a series of Vine/Tweets from this morning’s chaotic check in. This is the reality of what air travel has become.
the real @united "gold" checkin experience. this sucks. more like aluminum foil. https://t.co/WMWVlWhnw2
— noplasticshower (@noplasticshower) August 29, 2014
here is the tsapre line with a premier traffic jam. @united cannot run a line. real checkin process. https://t.co/kMCpQeYoj8
— noplasticshower (@noplasticshower) August 29, 2014
At least the United Club was a temporary respite.
finally some peace. the @united club in the 60-69 gate annex is more like it. real checkin process. https://t.co/a9o3glCsUY
— noplasticshower (@noplasticshower) August 29, 2014
But then it was cattle call boarding time. Upgrade for all that loyalty over the years? Are you kidding me??!
Great to be number 21 on the upgrade list when the cabin is checked full! @united rewards you for 1.5 million miles. NOT. This sucks smisek.
— noplasticshower (@noplasticshower) August 29, 2014
Hey @united, boarding group 2 not ok with me after a decade of loyal flying. Real checkin process.
— noplasticshower (@noplasticshower) August 29, 2014
Once we were finally on board (after starting 11 minutes late), we were informed that there was a baggage problem.
Baggage count problem. Now 30 minutes late and counting. Baggage guys recounting by hand for weight. Not good.
— noplasticshower (@noplasticshower) August 29, 2014
Ultimately, that delayed up 30 minutes.
But there is some good news. This 737-900 is a nice new plane and it is equipped with wifi. So I can make this posting. And there is an extra 30 minutes to do it in too!
My advice to you flyers out there. United is not a good airline, so try another. Any other. (And Jeff Smisek still needs to be fired.)
Back in the Air: Why Jet Blue Dogs United
August 14, 2014
Don’t tell anybody, but I have only been on 2 airplanes since June, and one was today! You see, air travel is no longer something I look forward to since it devolved to “bus service in the air” a couple of years ago. It was a long slow death spiral, but consistent and very much depressing.
As long time readers of NPS know, I am no longer a fan of United airlines. After 10 years of being a 100K member and 1,560,787 miles, United finally used up ALL of my remaining loyalty. That’s right. Every drop. I’m stuck with United since I live near a major hub of theirs, but I plan to do what I can to avoid flying with United.
So, for the first trip back from the famed “no fly July” we’re giving Jet Blue a shot. Lets compare and contrast, from the sublime to the stupid.
Why Jet Blue is Better than United (a one trip comparison)
1. flies modern equipment (new embrear regional jet vs United prop (?!) jet)
2. has a better commuter terminal for East coast travel at IAD (Terminal A, the “walmart” terminal sucks)
3. costs less (by $200 to get to Boston and back)
4. people at Jet Blue seem to like their jobs (at United they all know Jeff Smisek sucks and they hate working for him…really)
5. whole cans of soda water by default even in cattle class
6. United loves to talk about what they are “gonna” do, but they never get it done –> WIFI = not that hard
7. Jeff Smisek sucks and he is the CEO of United
Not that Jet Blue is perfect mind you. I don’t like paying $50 for an extra bag as a newb, but I have to have my bag of electronics for this trip. I also don’t like paying $30 more so I can get on first and stow my instruments, but I am sure as heck never checking my precious violin. So that all sucks. This trip will cost me $160 more than planned. Maybe #3 up there is wrong.
In the end it is clear that I need an airplane.
p.s. Here is a comparison between United and Delta FWIW.
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